The holidays are supposed to be about togetherness, gratitude, and joy. But when you've lost someone you love, December can feel unbearable.
Everywhere you look, there are reminders of what's missing. The empty seat at the table. The tradition you can't continue. The phone call that won't come. The person who won't be there to open gifts or share a meal.
Grief doesn't take a break for the season. If anything, it gets heavier when the world around you seems determined to be cheerful.
If you're struggling with loss this December, you're not alone. And you're not doing anything wrong by feeling sad when everyone else seems happy.
This guide is for anyone who's grieving during the holidays. It's a reminder that you don't have to pretend to be okay, and that there are ways to move through this season with compassion for yourself.
Allow Yourself to Feel What You're Feeling
The first and most important thing you need to know is this: your grief is valid, even during the holidays.
You Don't Owe Anyone a Cheerful Attitude
There's so much pressure to be joyful in December. But if you're grieving, forcing yourself to smile and act happy will only make things worse.
You're allowed to be sad. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling without apologizing for it.
Grief isn't something you can turn off just because it's the holiday season.
Stop Trying to Suppress Your Emotions
Pushing down your grief doesn't make it go away. It just delays the pain and makes it harder to process.
If you need to cry in the middle of a holiday party, step outside and let it out. If you need to leave early because it's too much, do that.
Your emotions deserve space, even when it's inconvenient.
Give Yourself Permission to Sit This One Out
If you're not up for holiday gatherings, you don't have to go. You're not being selfish or dramatic.
You're protecting yourself, and that's completely valid.
You can honor the season in your own way, on your own terms
Honor Your Loved One in a Way That Feels Right
There's no rulebook for grieving during the holidays. Some people find comfort in keeping traditions alive. Others need to create entirely new ones.
Whatever feels right for you is the right choice.
Keep Traditions That Bring Comfort
If certain traditions help you feel connected to your loved one, keep doing them.
Maybe you light a candle in their honor. Maybe you cook their favorite dish. Maybe you play their favorite song or visit a place that was meaningful to them.
These small acts can be a way to include them in the season, even though they're not physically here.
Create New Ways to Remember Them
If old traditions feel too painful, it's okay to let them go and create new rituals that feel better.
You might write them a letter. You might make a donation in their name. You might spend the day doing something they loved.
There's no wrong way to honor someone you've lost.
Say Their Name Out Loud
One of the hardest parts of grief is feeling like no one wants to talk about the person you lost. Like mentioning them will make things awkward or bring everyone down.
But saying their name keeps their memory alive. Talk about them. Share stories. Let others know it's okay to remember them with you.
You don't have to pretend they didn't exist just to make other people comfortable.
Set Boundaries Around What You Can Handle
Grief is exhausting, and the holidays add another layer of pressure. You don't have to do everything, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.
Communicate Your Needs Clearly
If you're not up for a big family gathering, say so. The people who care about you will understand.
You can also let people know in advance that certain topics are too painful to discuss right now.
"I'm not ready to talk about that yet."
"I need some space this year."
"I might need to leave early if it gets too hard."
These are all valid things to say.
It's Okay to Skip Events
If an event feels more harmful than helpful, you can choose not to go.
You're not obligated to show up just because you always have in the past. Things are different now, and that's okay.
Send your love from a distance if you need to. Protect your energy.
Don't Let Anyone Rush Your Grief
Some people will tell you it's time to move on. That you should be over it by now. That you need to focus on the positive.
Those people are wrong.
Grief doesn't follow a timeline, and you don't owe anyone a version of yourself that's "healed" on their schedule.
Take as much time as you need.
Navigate the Hard Moments With Self-Compassion
The holidays are full of triggers when you're grieving. A song on the radio. A family photo. Someone asking about your loved one without realizing they're gone.
These moments will happen, and they will hurt. But you can get through them.
Have an Exit Plan
Before you attend any gathering, know how you'll leave if things get too hard.
Maybe you drive yourself so you're not dependent on someone else. Maybe you tell a trusted friend you might need to step out.
Having a plan gives you a sense of control when everything else feels unpredictable.
Practice Grounding Techniques
When grief hits hard, it can feel overwhelming. Grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment.
Focus on your breath. Notice five things you can see. Feel your feet on the ground. Hold something cold or textured in your hand.
These small actions can help calm your nervous system.
Give Yourself Permission to Take Breaks
You don't have to be strong all the time. If you need to step away, sit in your car, or lock yourself in a bathroom for a few minutes, do it.
Taking care of yourself isn't weakness. It's survival.
Seek Support When You Need It
Grief can feel incredibly isolating, especially during the holidays when everyone around you seems happy. But you don't have to carry it alone.
Talk to Someone Who Understands
Find someone you trust and tell them what you're going through. It doesn't have to be a deep conversation. Sometimes just saying "this is really hard" is enough.
If the people around you don't understand, look for a grief support group or online community where others are going through the same thing.
Consider Professional Support
Therapy can be incredibly helpful when you're grieving, especially during a difficult season.
A therapist can give you tools to manage your emotions, help you process your loss, and provide a safe space to talk about what you're feeling.
You don't have to wait until things get worse. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Let Others Show Up for You
If someone offers help, let them. Whether it's bringing you a meal, sitting with you in silence, or just checking in, accept the support.
You don't have to do this alone.
Remember That Grief and Joy Can Coexist
Grieving doesn't mean you'll never feel joy again. It just means joy looks different now.
It's Okay to Have Good Moments
If you find yourself laughing at a joke or enjoying a moment, that doesn't mean you've forgotten your loved one or that your grief isn't real.
You're allowed to feel both sadness and joy. They can exist at the same time.
Your Loved One Would Want You to Live
This doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be happy. But it does mean you don't have to feel guilty for living your life.
You can honor their memory and still find moments of peace, connection, and even happiness.
Healing Doesn't Mean Forgetting
Some people worry that healing means moving on or leaving their loved one behind. But that's not what healing is.
Healing is learning to carry your grief in a way that doesn't break you. It's finding a way to live with the loss instead of being consumed by it.
Your loved one will always be a part of you. Healing doesn't change that.
If you're grieving this holiday season, please know that you don't have to pretend to be okay. You don't have to smile through the pain or show up to every event.
Your grief deserves space. Your feelings are valid. And you're allowed to move through December in whatever way feels right for you.
Honor your loved one in the way that brings you comfort. Set boundaries without guilt. Seek support when you need it. And give yourself permission to feel everything, even when it hurts.
Grief during the holidays is hard. But you don't have to carry it alone.
Silou Health is here to support you, whether you need someone to talk to or resources to help you navigate this season. Your mental health matters, and so does your healing.
Take care of yourself. You're doing better than you think.
